What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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