My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize