my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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