all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
