operation harelip BJ is a go
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize