This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
