I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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