You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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