You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
