Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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