My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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