I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
