dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
