You made me cry and you don't even care
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
