btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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