apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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