Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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