I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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