What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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