I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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