google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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