If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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