Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
