let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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