And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
