i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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