Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
