She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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