with your own penis?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
