Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
