So drunk its hurt
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
