you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
