I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
