I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
