You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
