just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
