last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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