Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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