i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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