super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We talked him into tasing himself.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We need to get me chipped asap
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
