omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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