I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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