Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
