it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
as a side note pls kill me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
