I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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