He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
