omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
