Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
