I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
