Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
