I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
