mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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