McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
