You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
