i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
