I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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