I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize