Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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