plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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