So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
