I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
