Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
