I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
