doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
