ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This girl is more easily done than said...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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