We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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